"Would You Like to Save 10% On Your Purchases Today By--Ouch!"

Credit cards are the devil. That's all I've got to say.

...

Okay, not quite. I just want to make sure that all you gullible, lazy, stuff-hungry, shopaholics out there know what the true evils of having a credit card are.

First of all, one of two things will happen (this is how they reel you in and slam you, thrashing and flopping all over the place, onto the deck of the Debt Ship.
1. You receive a piece of mail exclaiming, "YOU'VE BEEN PRE-APPROVED" or "PLEASE DO NOT DISCARD!!" on the front, open it, and realize that it's a credit card offer. Pretty soon, you're filling out the form thinking "Well, it'd be good to have for emergencies and I need to build up my credit. Why not?"
2. You receive a phone call where a soothing voice greets you with, "Hi, Mr. or Miss Fill-in-the-Blank. How are you? Great, you've been pre-approved for a ____ card and I wanted to make sure that the information I have is correct..." How they got this information, you won't know, but before you realize it, you're correcting their information and giving them your mother's maiden name before hanging up with a dazed look on your face and a slight feeling of panic in your gut. But then you tell yourself "Well, it'd be good to have one for emergencies and I need to build up my credit. Why not?"

It's all downhill from there.

Next thing you know, you're filling up at the pump without a care in the world, swiping your card with a sense of glee and excitement and a tiny bit of rebeliousness mixed in....but not enough to make you uncomfortable. Yet.
Eventually, you'll be walking through the mall thinking to yourself, "You know what? It's been a long time since I've bought any slacks. I could use some slacks. I think I'll go buy myself some slacks. Too bad I'm broke. It wouldn't hurt to put the slacks on my card would it? Nah. I really need them and besides, I'll pay the card off as soon as the bill comes in." Four hours later, you're exiting the mall and slouching toward your vehicle through a dimly lit parking lot, the weight of your numerous bags causing the handles to cut the circulation off from your arms, leaving deep red ruts in your skin. You try not to think about the stock you just bought in Suncoast or the fact that you haven't got enough face to wear all that expensive makeup that's sitting in the light-green Clinique bag on your back seat.
I haven't even touched on Internet temptation. Let me do so now, shall I?
One tuesday afternoon, you log onto the internet with the innocent intention of checking your email. Nothing tempting there, right? Well, in your inbox, nestled sweetly between an offer for discounts on Viagra and a forward from your buddy in Charlotte, these words sing out to you beseechingly: "Get FREE SHIPPING On Your Next Order from AE.com!!"
"Wow," you think. "That's a deal! Shipping can be, like, ten bucks or something, can't it? I'd better check this out!"
Before you know it, you're pointing and clicking away, a ravenous expression on your face and your Platinum Visa with the $2000 limit in your hot little hand. You click the words "My Shopping Bag" and then "Continue to Checkout" with a maniacal smile, and you find you're annoyed that your card has so many numbers on it because it takes too darn long to punch in. Finally, with sweat on your brow, you click "Submit" and lean back in your chair with a sigh, closing your eyes momentarily before snapping out of it with a start. You just spent three hundred bucks without a second thought!! But "Hey," you tell yourself, "At least I saved $12 on shipping!"

These, my friends, are just a small handful of the trials and tribulations that you could find yourself launched into face-first if you fall victim to the lure of the evil Credit Card. You use it because it's quick, easy, and painless at the time of purchase but when you get that bill at the end of the month, a deep sense of panic and foreboding swells up in the pit of your stomach and it consumes your thoughts. You think, "Why?? Why did I fall for it?? I didn't even LIKE those four skirts I bought at RAVE! I'd never even been in RAVE before!!!! What IS RAVE????" You'll wring your hands and dread that due date printed so innocently on your bill, smiling up at you until it passes, at which time the smile will turn into a demonic sneer that will haunt your very dreams and rob you of sleep and eventually, your sanity!!!......

I guess what I'm getting at is that if you can avoid them at all, don't get a credit card. And if you're heck-bent on getting one to "build up your credit", set a very low limit for your own sake, say, around $300. Plus, you'll never need more than $300 in gas either, right??

I've only got your best interest at heart. Remember that.

And also remember: If your office rest room doesn't have an attendant, maybe you should step up to the plate.